In conversation with Counsellor, Deachen Dolkar

By Rinchen Angmo Chumikchan Leh, Apr 28, 2015
Leh :
Teenagers struggle with different issues than younger children and adults such as identity struggles, extreme peer pressure and fitting in. They often feel stuck between wanting independence and still needing guidance. Teens are more likely than adults to make decisions without considering the consequences and feel invincible.
 
Today’s teenagers are under a great deal of stress and are often silenced by their many social and family pressures. Providing teens with the opportunity to take part in their own counselling allows them to further develop skills which promote independence. Counselling for adolescents and teens can help teens improve their overall functioning at home, school, within the family, and with peers/social environment.
 
In Leh, we have Adolescence Reproductive and Sexual Health (ARSH) clinic now known as to Adolescence Friendly Health Clinic (AFHC). They have 3,781 cases registered in the clinic since its inception. Recently, they opened the ARSH clinic in Diskit and Khalatse. Presently Dr Farhana Iqbal is working as Medical Officer and one female and a male counsellor are working there. 
 
We recently spoke with Deachen Dolker, Counsellor about the counselling profession—why it is important, how it has changed over the years and the challenges it faces.
 
Q. Let’s start with a very general question. Why is it important to have a counsellor?
 
First of all, I think it’s important to understand what Counselling is? Today in our society when we talk about counselling they consider it as an advice. Counselling is not an advice, advice is when one person speaks and another listens. On the other hand in the counselling the client speaks more and the counsellor listens to it. In counselling counsellor speaks 20% and the client speaks 80%. And when we listen to the client then we know more about the thoughts of the other person. It is very important in counselling to understand the situation of the client and from that we can give them the best or appropriate option or solution to solve the problem.
 
If we continue to speak then it is very difficult to understand the situation and to find the solution to the problem. It’s just like throwing an arrow in the dark. There are many people who advise us in our life. Today our life is very hectic and stressed we need someone to lean on. When we find someone who listens to us it acts as a catharsis and a way of releasing our tension it acts like ventilation otherwise we become the listeners. When we find a good listener without judging and framing the person we try to open ourselves more and we can also give the best option for them. But sometimes advice are good and sometimes it becomes a pressure for many. When we are able to give them an option then they will decide these are the options available to me and I can analyze which one is best for them.
 
Here the self-esteem of the person arises because he/she feels that I have taken the decision and responsibility. Otherwise when we give advice what happens is the other person takes the credit and there
is no benefit to the individual other than solving the problem. They also become aware of their strength and no one knows you better than yourself. You know your weaknesses and strengths. 
 
Q.When was this Clinic started? What are the aim and objectives? 
 
It was started in the year 2011 and earlier it was called Adolescence reproductive and Sexual Health. In the past, many feel ashamed to come here as the name was Adolescence reproductive and Sexual Health. Later, it has changed to Adolescence Friendly Health Clinic (AFHC) and after that many adolescences feels more comfortable to visit the clinic. 
 
Q. What is the age group of people who come to seeking counselling? What type of cases do we find in Ladakh?
 
The age group 11-19 years comes under adolescence age and when we take the Ladakhi society we consider 11-25 years as children. We handle till 25 years of age for referring counselling cases. When they come here, they come with physical complaints if they do not have a physical illness. And when we look at the history of the clients they have problems in the school due to competition, bulling problem, fights with friends, the problem at home and hostel. The problems in childhood, adolescence and adults are different. When the adolescents have physically, emotionally and a socially related problem they come with physical symptoms. When we look at the history we come to know that they have problems in Adjustment, family and financial problems.
School going kids have depression, examination stress due to competition, bully and dissociation problem. Some have a panic disorder if we go to mental illness. In boys running from school, drugs and alcohol users, school dropout cases and smoking. And most of the above 18 years are taxi drivers they are school dropouts because of financial problem and some due to making easy money and some see it as adventurous as they travelled a lot.  There are many reasons that like not liking the studies, due to problems in school.
 
Q. You have been a counsellor for over three and a half years. How is the field changed since you first entered it? 
 
Earlier many people were not aware of the benefits of Counselling. But with time the scenario is changing. One of the positive things is that Degree College has introduced Psychology as one subject and there are many psychology students I think more than 40. They are also playing a role in creating awareness about what actually is counselling.
 
If we are talking about the facilities now we have a male counsellor also in the Leh Clinic. Recently we have opened the ARSH clinic in Diskit and Khaltse also and because of that people of remote areas are benefitting from that. Many are not able to come due to time clashing of school and hospital timing.   At the Sub-district hospital, they have the facilities of a male and female counsellor because the male will be more comfortable with a male counsellor and vice versa or may be the opposite sex. They have options available to choose for counselling.
 
Now people have a slight idea about counselling. One of the contributors is also due to the presence of ICTC counsellor and media. With time the outlook of people is changing.
 
Q. What are some of the biggest challenges that you and the counselling professional face?
 
One of the challenges is that people consider it as advice which is not correct. Some people know about counselling, but most of them have a distorted idea about it. Many people associate counselling with a mental problem and because of that hardly people come for counselling. And on the other hand if they are taking it as an advice then they think that we can also advice what’s the big deal in counselling? They are not realising the importance. People are taking it very lightly or associate counselling with mental illness and considered it as a stigma. They have wrong a conception about counselling or distorted concept making mental health a big challenge.
 
Q. What is the most important issue facing youth today, and why? With what kind of cases did you deal in Ladakh?
 
Smoking and drug abuse among the boys and school dropout for both boys and girls. For girls, it is very important to impart sexual education. Considering what is happening in our society, we think that sexual education is not important or keep them away from such things. Now we have many platforms where our children can expose to negative things without guidance or any kind of check like social media, magazines as their messages are in distorted form and it affects the decision-making. To give the right information to them is very important. 
 
The family should give the right information to them otherwise with half information they will indulge themselves in anti-social behaviour. If they know the consequences decision making will be right. Here communication & bonding should be good, listen to them without being judgemental and that will be effective in decision making.
 
Q. We have witnessed many suicide cases among the youth who are considered the pillars of the society. What are the solutions to prevent such incident?  Being a counsellor can we prevent it?
 
When it comes to suicide the best preventive measure is the immediate person who is in contact with the person because they always give warning signs before attempting suicide. Some people capture the warning signs very easily and to capture it is very important. It can happen within a second. Mostly it depends on family members, friends, Teachers who are in immediate contact. They can see the sign and symptoms like depression, loss appetite, insomnia, loneliness, sadness, isolation, and problem in concentration, helplessness, hopelessness, all of a sudden loss of interest in their hobbies. The concept of ‘if I die the whole problem will solve’ is wrong. If you see such symptoms then it is very important to focus on them. If they identify the problem and if it is a minor depression then the counsellor can show the direction and help them in enhancing the coping skills. One of the reasons I see is because of Competition and secondly lack of coping skills among the children.
 
Q. So that means all the people who commit suicide are depressed? 
 
No, we cannot say that! It will differ to an individual. In some cases, people who are psychotic and suffering from schizophrenia commit suicide but there is a difference. I can say that people who are depressed have some ideation of suicide but committing is different. When a person tries to commit suicide he /she give a warning sign. According to studies people who attempt suicide is successful only after 2 to 3 attempts. Most of the suicide attempt cases are attention seeking behavior. It doesn’t apply to all but in some cases, such things happen.

Q. Our people hardly know about the role of a counsellor? Do you feel that counseling is effective?
 
When we look at counselling, even in India there’s a great challenge. In CBSE system they, have made it compulsory to have school counsellor but the question is how many schools have School Counsellor? The reality is that even the school administrations take counselling as an additional work like co-curriculum activities. What they do is they will keep one teacher who will teach and also provide counselling. They are not getting the importance of counselling. It is not only in Ladakh but in the whole of India or the world. But things will gradually change with time but for that matter, the school administration should also think. 
 
Adolescence age is very crucial we can mould them in whatever we wanted them to become and this is the right time to work on this age group. Our adm. should also think about this and to realise the importance of counselling is very important. Most of the students are not able to come because of the time clash of school and hospital.  Counselling is not limited to health but we can provide counselling for career, education and it helps in the physical, emotional and social development of the child. There are many advantages to having a school counsellor. We have to differentiate the role of a counsellor and teacher and work for that.
 
Q. What are some of the ways that you've been able to engage more people in counselling?
 
One of the ways is media as we can create awareness through it. And secondly, Parents and teachers if their children have some problem they can come to us. We did many outreach programmes in remote areas and motivate the teacher. Everyone has a problem be it, adult or children. Here we have a communication gap and due to that, we cannot convey the problem to each other. And if the counsellor intervenes in between this then there will be a positive change in the relationship also. And even in the individual coping skills will become sharper or we can change the irrational thinking and counter-attack and change into rational thoughts.
 
In counselling one of the most important things is cognitive behaviour therapy, in this what happens is if we are able to change the thinking (cognitive) then the behaviour will automatically change. If our thinking is positive then the behaviour will also be positive and vice versa. For eg: If we are angry we either hurt our self or hurt others.  Like this, there are many irrational thoughts which can affect the problem-solving skills in our daily life. And a counsellor can find an appropriate way and keep that in front of the children of what will happen. If the situation is in front of him we can find out a positive way for a solution. Basically what happens when a discussion takes place between the children and the parents the communication becomes a power struggle. The child blames the parents for not listening and the parents blame the child for not following. Instead of having a healthy discussion the communication turned out to be a negative one and it converts into a fight. Later the child becomes angry and beat the younger one or involves himself into anti-social behaviour.
 
Q. You've worked in schools in a couple of different settings, with both economically disadvantaged populations and children who are as a group more of a middle-class.
 How did those experiences differ? Or how were they similar? 
 
Yes, I cannot say low economic background but will say students who come from remote areas have kept their children in hostels as they have no one to look after them. They have an adjustment problem and suffer from Diarrohea. They face the bully problem and these kinds of problem are faced by the student who comes from remote areas. 
When we talk about students who are from urban areas and are living with their family or relatives they also may have a problem but they are far better than what they are facing in the hostels. In many hostels, there is a problem of crowded, and in some hostels, they keep boys and girls jointly which is not good. Physically they are different and to keep them separate is very important. They are equal but equality doesn’t mean keeping them together in one room, it can have its negative impacts on them as and the scenario is changing with the time. I think it is very important to keep them separate in hostels and it is the responsibility of the parents as well as members of the society to check that. To know in what kind of settings they are in is very important. Parents should be friendly as well as authoritarian. With the tag of friendly, you cannot let them free without keeping an eye on them. Even in parents-child relationship, we should not trust them blindly because they are smarter than you at this age. 
 
When we talk about similarities everyone has problem at the end. 
 
Q. How can you help our society climate be more positive?
 
When we say society, it involves everyone even if we are able to change the life of one person it will have an impact on the society. If we work on one individual it will affect his/her family and from family to neighborhood and gradually to a large extent.  Specially, adolescence age is a crucial age and if we are able to bring changes in them on time then that’s really good as they are the future society makers. If we can work on them then to bring positive changes in the society is very easy or more effective.
 
Q. Is there anything else you can tell us about counseling that would be interesting or helpful to others aspiring to seek counseling?
 
Counselling is not about someone telling you to do this and that but to give proper information about what can be done. What are the options available keeping in mind the capacity, interest, and aptitude of the person? In what situation which options will work which will impact the decision making. In counseling we are giving all the options, be it negative and positive.
 
Message to the Readers:
 
“If you have read the above information don’t keep it to yourself and spread it as much as possible. Many a time when we are in a group we talk rubbish. Sometimes it is good to discuss informative things that will benefit all. Every individual makes a difference.  This facility has been opened for the adolescence only and one should take the benefit from it. It is the responsibility of every teacher, parent and member of the society.”